Four years and it still stings

Four years ago today, I was on the phone with a friend coordinating outfits for an upcoming school trip. We were packing for the state basketball tournament that coming weekend and we wanted to make sure we looked good. Then my parents got a call on the house phone. I remember distinctly, my mother let out a loud cry and I heard the phone hit the floor. I ran downstairs to find my mom and dad scrambling for shoes and jackets with tears in their eyes. I asked what was wrong and they told me, “Uncle Terry collapsed. They rushed him to the emergency room. That’s all we know.” I dropped to my knees and felt the world stop. So as my parents headed to the hospital, I began to pray. I prayed harder than I ever had in my entire life. I stayed up waiting for an update. I ended up drifting to sleep And waking around 11:00 pm. I immediately called my mom and when I dad picked up, I knew something wasn’t okay. My dad said to me,”He’s gone, Pumpkin. They tried everything. His heart was just clogged.” I just cried and mumbled, “Okay. I love you. Bye.” And then I bawled. For hours.
The next few days were a blur.
And then the funeral came. I remember stopping outside the church and telling my mom I couldn’t go in. She, being the greatest mother in the entire world, told me to take my time and she would wait with me. (My Uncle Terry was my mom’s older brother. And the one who introduced her and my dad. So this hit her and my dad incredibly hard) After about five minutes of intense sobbing, I had the courage to enter the church. The first people I saw were my four sobbing cousins. My uncles sons. My cousins and I have always been very close. We were raised like siblings because our parents were best friends. So to see these tough boys sobbing, I broke down once again. I hugged Nicholas (second oldest) for what felt like forever. We just stood crying and hugging forever. When I saw Johnathon (third in line), it was bad. He was a mess. He had just lost his baby girl the year before and now his dad. Again, a forever hug. Then it was time for Matthew (the baby and two years older than me). We hugged longer than forever… Matthew and I have always been the closest because we are so close in age, so we are like best friends. I didn’t hug the oldest, Scotty, until later. He was in visiting his dad one last time.
Speaking of which, that isn’t something I did. I don’t deal well with seeing someone I love in a casket. It makes me go numb. (I know, tough right?)
So as the funeral and burial went on, copious amounts of Kleenex were passed around and many amazing words were said.
Four years later, it still stings. I remember it like yesterday. I still think I am going to wake up one day and he will be here. He was honestly the best uncle you could ever ask for. Always there when you needed anything and a great shoulder to cry on. I was his very first niece, so he and I had grown incredibly close in the 17 years I was blessed to know him. To this day, I want to call him up and talk to him. I still remember his phone number. And when I look at his sons, they all remind me of him so much.
So a I wrap this up with tear filled eyes, I want to say one last thing. I love you forever, Uncle Terry!! You were the best uncle ever. Thank you!


Poor Loki

Let’s preface this with a little background information..
Loki is what I call my car. Loki is a 2001 Ford Escort ZX2. I’ve had Loki ever since my 17th birthday. (Yes, I know. Not very long. But still, long enough to matter) Loki is my second vehicle. The first being an unbelievably fuel inefficient vehicle. Loki has been out of commission since October 2010, fall of my senior year. I was leaving school and stopped at a stop sign. Another car decided to not wait for a passing car on the highway and ended up getting the trailer attached to the car hit. The trailer swung around and hit my car, deploying airbags, and smashing the windshield. Luckily no one was hurt, just some bumps and bruises. (And one sprained thumb on my part) My car was considered ‘totaled’ by the insurance company because of it’s age, so my parents bought it back with intentions of fixing it. Well, life happens, and in my family that is some serious stuff. So fast forward three years, and I am getting it fixed for Christmas. So it was finally reassembled. I drive it for a week after Christmas, and all hell breaks loose within Loki. Loki needed some serious repairs. Well, still does. My father (aka my #1 mechanic) is working on it as I type. New coil, new plugs, and new filters. Awesome.
So as I part, I ask that you pray for Loki. (Yes, as a joke. You can’t honestly believe I am serious?!)

Haterz

Yes. Haterz with a ‘z’. Because I am that cool!
People in life will hate you, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you just gave them a million dollars, they will hate you for not giving them two million. It’s a fact of life that you will always have haters. Always.
Sometimes people will wear a mask and act like your friend to your face. Then when you turn around, they talk smack about you to everyone they see. No, I’m not saying that I’ve never talked smack about someone, but it was never anything I wouldn’t say to their face directly. And as I’ve gotten older, I really have stopped talking crap about people. It just isn’t worth it.
This topic was sparked by a recent event in my life. Someone I used to hold very near and dear in my heart turned out to be one of my haterz. I found out they did nothing but talk crap about me day in and day out. To be honest, my name was probably in their vocabulary more than anything else. But I didn’t do anything about it. Just let it roll of my back. I’m an adult, that is what you do.
Anyway. For now, I will go. Sorry it has been so long. Full-time employment is a bitch. {But I do love my job, so it’s worth it}

“beauty”

So as I was doing my normal morning routine this morning, it got me thinking.. (When I get to thinking, my A.D.D really comes out..so, apologies) Okay. So my routine in the morning is;
-Wake up (duh)
-Brush teeth and apply whitening strips to teeth (which are uber expensive)
-Wash face (using equally expensive face wash)
-Shower (where I use like five or six different products..)
-Blow dry my hair (again using four or five hair things {I have naturally curly hair, the products help the frizz})
-Apply face creams (Anti-wrinkle cream and serum for face and under eyes.. I am 20 people. Why am worried about wrinkles?!)
-Apply make-up (Lord, don’t get me started in that…)
-Get dressed
-Spray perfume/body spray (Can I get an amen for the ‘Smells like: Juicy Couture’ from CVS?!)
Yes. I do that nearly every morning except when I am sick. Do you realize how much product I use in just the morning?!?! At night, I add about three more things to that list. The cost added up over time is ridiculous. And just think, some women use more than I do..
Beauty companies have us all in lock-down. They have brainwashed us into thinking that what we have isn’t good enough. I’m 20 years old and I buy anti-wrinkle cream for myself.. But what is wrong with wrinkles anyway?! Wrinkles show people that you have lived life and enjoyed it. Yes, I have laugh lines. But wouldn’t you think those are good? Showing the world I know how to smile..? Nope. Not with the beauty industry. And I can rant on this topic because it has hoodwinked me too! I am genuinely mad at myself because I have fallen into the trap.. I pay at least $15 a month just for curly hair products. Products that all claim to do the same thing. And I honestly use the cheapest I can find. (I am not above buying Suave brand..) Walking through the hair care aisle, you can find $40 hair products. WHAT! There is NO reason that hair stuff (other than a haircut..) should cost that much money!!! Agh. I could rant for days.. (I would have to stop ranting long enough to apply my anti-wrinkle cream though..)
Our bodies are amazing. Everyone is different. That is what makes the world a beautiful place. But with the advertising and beauty world, people are all starting to look the same. (Have you ever watched ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’? Literally can not tell them apart..) Even though I’m mad, does that mean I am going to stop using make-up and let my frizzy hair fly free and burn my bra (woah. Where is that coming from?!)? No. I will still wear my eyeliner and mascara. I will still use my hair products. (I will happily wear my bra..) I will do all of this because I have been sucked into the vortex right along with everyone else. I just try to tell myself I haven’t been completely hoodwinked because I use less costly products.
Agh. Okay. I will be removing myself from the soap box.
(I actually have to go wash off my nightly mask and remove my whitening strip from my teeth.)
Told you I wouldn’t stop.

Some people..I swear

Some people are honestly horrible human beings. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be judging people, but the person I am talking about is honestly a horrible person.. So she deserves it.
Correct me if I am wrong, but if someone is married, you do not go after them in a romantic way, correct? I don’t know about you, but that is how I was raised is that you respect the sanctity of marriage. But I guess some people are raised by apes.
The most mind baffling thing about this middle aged woman, is that she does this ALL. THE. TIME. Basically if you have a male appendage and a wedding ring, you are fair game. (So wrong on so many levels..) That is what I call a grade-A SLUT. Sending pictures of your boobs (which are like mosquito bites) to a married man. Flirting with copious amounts of married men (WHO HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!!). SHAME ON YOU.
I honestly hope the person this is aimed towards reads this. You need to step away from the married men, honey. They are already busy.

Okay. Rant over.

Life is in FULL swing

Life is most definitely in full swing. Working like a mad woman. Spending copious amounts of time with my family. (which I will add that I thoroughly am enjoying) And to top it off, my clothes are fitting a bit looser these days. So all in all, I may be busy, but life is great.
People often take for granted having a busy life. Too many people want to slow life down. Not me though. I enjoy the fast paced life. Not really having a plan. Seeing your family more days than not. I don’t know. Call me crazy. But I love it. And when I say I am working like a mad woman, I’m really not. I work four days a week. Also overnights, so I clean and make sure the people I take care of are ok through the night. It isn’t hard work by any means, but I honestly love it. I love going to work and seeing everyone. Retail is shit compared to this new job.
Ok. I’m turning into A.D.D central over here. Maybe I should go.
Crap post. My apologies.

If I’m sleeping, please leave me alone

Ah. Hello there. We meet again.
Okay, that was weird. I promise I will never do that again.
Anyways, onward!
(Damn, weird again..)
So my new job is going great. I love it more than I ever thought I would. I have only been there three weeks, but I never want to leave. Anyway, onto the subject of this post.
My new job requires me to work awake overnights. Meaning I go in around 9 or 10pm depending on the day and leave at 8:30 or 9:30am also depending on the day. So when I leave work in the morning, I am generally tired. I mean hello..? I literally was up all night working.. So when I get home, I want to sleep. I’m talking like 6 hours of sleep at least. So if I am sleeping, let me sleep. Have you never heard the saying, ‘Let sleeping dogs lie.’ Don’t come banging on my door. Don’t call me. If you have a key, let yourself in and don’t bother me. That is why I shut my door. If it is shut, leave it shut.
Before you all think I am some grumpy Gus, understand I jus came off of a 12 hour overnight and was just falling asleep when someone came pounding on my front door. ASSHAT
Okay, rant over.

Bigger and better things..

Bigger and better things are in my future. Or maybe I should say present.. I don’t know. Whatever. I recently got a new job. (and let me tell you, when they say finding a job once you have one is easy, is so true..) the job is closely related to my field of study in college. Well being the nice person I can be, I was going to try and balance two jobs. I was more than willing to work with my first job. I enjoy my first job. They were the first people to give me a chance. But after the last two days, a lot of drama has unfolded.
To begin, let me preface the story. I asked for two weeks off from my first job to work out my second jobs schedule. Work didn’t grant me that wish, so I was ‘burning the candle at both ends’ for a week. So at the end of that week, I decided to call into my first job because I was exhausted. I would not have been able to function properly, so I made an adult choice to call in. Well, I called in and got hung up on by one of the managers. I let it blow over until the next day when I went in and talked to the HR person and my store manager. All they told me was that the manager would be talked to. Ooh. Big whoop!
After I left the office, more upset than when I went in, I was told by a manager that I need to be professional. Mind you, I am more than professional at work. I take pride in what I do. And I also respect the company I work for. I was livid after being told that. I was so mad, I was debating walking out. But because my parents raised me to tackle responsibilities head on, I didn’t leave. I finished the eight carts if returned merchandise and left a note for HR. All was well for the evening. Until about four o’clock the next day. I received a call. Damn. Didn’t squeak through.
HR and the manager who called me unprofessional were calling me to apologize and ask me to stay. I told them no. I’m done. Thank you for your time. Then they tried to say, “You realize we can never hire you again if you leave without notice right?” Please. Try something other than that.
So needless to say, a weight is lifted from my shoulders and I can breathe easy and enjoy my new job.

Far too long..

I really need to write more often. It is a great way to relieve stress. I know I had left some things hanging. My boob (to be blunt) appointment left me feeling fine. The growth was/is just something they want to keep an eye on for a while. Mind you, I don’t know if that is there way of getting copious amounts of money from me. But I digress..

Things have been going good in life. I got a new job. Still working retail on the side though. (I just like the people I work with..and also the extra money..) New job is going to be exciting and adventurous. I went through orientation and I honestly loved it. 

 

I really hate to cut this short, but work is early today and I have yet to sleep. 
REMIND ME TO WRITE MORE!!!!

Tomorrow, tomorrow.. Enough Annie..

So tomorrow is going to be one of those days. Not only will I be going to the Catching Fire premiere with my amazing best friends, but I also get to find out if I have breast cancer or not.
**To warn you, I am going to get a little bit detailed**
So for about two months now I have had this growth in my left breast. (eww..breast is a gross word) I have also ha a slight rash I assumed was from switching laundry detergent. It has slowly gotten bigger over the two month span and I am a little bit more than worried about it. It isn’t always painful and that is what set alarms in my head off. So naturally I went to good ol’ Dr. Google first. Upon googling all there is to know about breast cancer, my minor hypochondriac mind has come to the conclusion that I have the most rare form. The one that causes a rash on the skin. So yeah. I’m really nervous. I’m 20 guys. TWENTY. I’m just grateful my mom taught me how to do self checks and I was doing them.
Although I am nervous/scared/every emotion ever, I know I will get through whatever is going on.